This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She even gives head with a lisp.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
