I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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