its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
