that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
