sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
