you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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