If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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