i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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