i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
