im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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