time to smoke my breakfast
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
