I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
