i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
