No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
one two three fourrrrnication!
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am one with the molecules
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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