How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
