The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
