The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
