I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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