There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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