When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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