How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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