Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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