Your face is a jimmy john
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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