I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
