when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
