thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
