So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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