if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
