her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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