dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
