I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
