Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
