u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
