On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
