I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
