He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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