I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
