it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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