I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
