Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
