You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
