I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
