I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
