Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
