My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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