I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
