you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MIDGETS
????
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
