It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
