Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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