I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
